At the beginning of the year, we were introduced to a church that we felt good about and began to grow with. I was about two months pregnant when we started attending. About half way through my pregnancy, we attended less and less and eventually stopped. They play live worship music in the beginning and the end of service, and I felt that too much loud music would affect the baby's hearing (you know, first time parent being Xtra paranoid).
Even though we have been missing church, I try to catch the service on their website to listen to the message.
Now that baby is here, I want to attend again; reconnect with God.
Why do I say this? Well ever since I had the baby, I've been having bad dreams. Every single time I fell asleep, whether it was day or night. They are really bad that I try to keep myself from falling asleep. It started in the hospital, and it was hard not to fall asleep because I was on a lot of medication and it made me tired and drowsy most of the time. My husband said that maybe its just the meds, but when I got home, I was taking them less and less. Then the other night, I didn't take any pain medications all day, and had a really bad dream that night. (By the way, all these dreams are about me and things happening to me.. horrible things) my husband was up soothing baby and woke me up because he said he heard me whimpering. I was crying in fear; I wouldn't let go of his hand. I just laid there and cried in prayer to God, to watch over me and keep me safe.. over and over again. I pray every night but this time I reached out to him with all my heart.. crying out to him. Since then, the dreams have stopped. My husband said that maybe subconsciously after my surgery, I think I'm not okay, like something is wrong (which I do sometimes think about) and have become vulnerable. Plus the lack of sleep and rest I'm getting. I think in a way he is right, because I felt vulnerable and alone. I felt no presence of God. I do now after my cry out to Him, but I still want to be in a place surrounded by people and music and hear the sound of worship!
They have service on both Saturdays and Sundays. We plan to attend Saturday service so my mil can babysit Jayden.
"Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you." Deuteronomy 3:22
Hi, I'm usually just a silent reader but it's encouraging to find Christian beauty bloggers, and I'm glad you're trying to reconnect with God. Even though you didn't feel his presence, He never left and is just waiting for you with outstretched arms. I'll pray for God to protect you from those nightmares as well. Your post was a good reminder for me to turn to God and depend on Him more, as I often seem to get caught up in controlling life myself.
ReplyDeleteHi Gracie, thank you for your prayer and words of encouragement. I know what you mean.. that it should be easy for us to allow God to lead and work in our lives but sometimes we get so caught up in life that we only turn to Him in time of need. Something I also need to work on. May you continue to grow as you continue to walk with Christ. Thank you for reading my blog :) Terri
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ReplyDeletehttp://definingwords.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-to-goal-set.html
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